aw jeez. i told my primary partner that i've been thinking abt having another partner's kid & he's all. noncommittal & reassuring. what does that MEAN !? i want to have a baby !

i'm really excited. with all the lack of haircuts i'm starting to see my payot forming

i’m lucky i suppose. i have no talent to waste. it was all broken off in the storm

o shit i forgot i put currants in this challah. fuckn BOMB ASS BREAD

i'm not very cute. i'm not very stable. i'm not very smart. but i can give good heart

why do i talk more about shabbat on SCRUFF than anywhere else ?


there was a "defund the police" / BLM peaceful protest at boise city hall last night, but the protesters were harassed & eventually assaulted by a large crowd of armed trump supporters, neo-nazis, & white supremacists. multiple videos show nazi symbolism on patches / tattoos worn by assailants. the police allowed the situation to escalate into physical altercations before they intervened & disbanded the protest. fine way to end pride month .....

i am dusting off my role as the Good Son & taking my dad to & from the airport & walking his dog while he's gone. family ...

food, questionable 

had some hummus w/ carrot sticks & matzo for lunch. then got curious & had matzo w/ flavored greek yogurt. not actually bad. anyway now i need to buy more of all these things. gotta write it down

recklessly hurtling toward hypercaffeination. wanna feel my molecules vibrating

oh no 🤦 i found a shirt my lover left here a couple weeks ago & my first instinct was to smell it. i’m gross & corny !!

alc, health (~) 

so recently i decided i was drinking way too much but i didn't want to talk to anyone abt it. shame, you know ? decided to quit altogether for now, which in this situation means detoxing myself at home. this is a bad idea & dangerous !! don't try it ! but i've supervised enough detoxes in hospital settings that i feel i know when things are beyond my ability to manage. i think i got through the worst of it but it was gnarly. now the trick is to keep it up as i start feeling better

i get to go to my friend’s house today, but he’s not there — it’s just to check his garden & cat while he’s on vacation. ultimate social distancing

i was explaining to a neighbor teen that i was doing a dvar for pride shabbat bc rabbi knows i study gay history & she's like ... "i don't know a lot about gay history, but ... i like yaoi" 😅

medical (~~) 

probably gonna knock myself out with sleeping meds tonight. i am running out of spoons

day 3 of being awake. i hope i can sleep before i have to deliver my dvar torah. not critical but preferable

i just want my house guest to wake up so i can work out. i need a routine for my mental health & i need to know people's needs in order to work around them

i'm not shomer shabbat by a long shot. but my weekly & monthly routines are shaped by shabbat. even in quarantine squalor i shave & put on my best clothes. i plan ahead to have wine & challah on hand. i budget energy for farm chores on thursday & friday so i have less responsibility on shabbat

today i gotta do a zoom call :-/ but it's with my rabbi & a couple other really cool cats from shul to plan our pride shabbat, so ... i'll allow it

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